Ole! Google Spain sees search pain slain

Posted on April 1, 2011

 

Google has lifted the lid on the latest update for its search algorithm, which will see it able to personalise a search in ways never before thought possible.

Using a combination of existing Google services – Google Maps, Google Street View and Google Earth – users will now be able to track down lost objects like car keys.

Staff at Google’s headquarters in Spain have laboured for months to perfect the feature, and head engineer Manuel Hung explained how it was developed:

“The idea came to me several months ago.

“One of my engineers had misplaced the keys to his Lamborghini, and had to ride his office Segway home to his mansion. Being too busy to look for them, he just abandoned the vehicle and bought a new one.

“That’s when it hit me – what if we could use our massive resources for snooping on people for something that was actually useful?”

Hung set his team to work, and soon realised that car keys were only the start of things.

“This update will turn search on its head. Pretty soon, it will be able to tell you where you left the TV remote control.

“Have you ever tidied up your DVDs, and found discs in the wrong box? There’s always one disc left over, with no sign of the case anywhere. Those days will soon be over.

“We’re through the looking glass, people.”

Although this announcements set experts in the field of search engine optimisation reeling, some are already getting to work on ways to swindle the new algorithm.

SEO expert Harry Balzac thinks that it could actually be good news for the industry. He said:

“I can see it now. Lost your car keys? Bosh! Google returns the telephone number for a taxi firm at the top of page one.

“Your wife hasn’t come home after a night out at the bingo? Wallop! You get a good divorce lawyer or a dating site.

“Bish bosh, job’s a good ‘un.”

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1 Comment »

  1. It’s long overdue, though I’m not sure how it would integrate into Universal search. I don’t want to be presented with my neighbour’s car keys when I’m searching for directions to Salford Quays.

    Or do I?

    Comment by Darren Jamieson — April 1, 2011 @ 9:22 am

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