Is your office ready for the impending zombie apocalypse?

Posted on August 30, 2019

 

Every day I turn up for work at Engage Web, I notice how our office would make the perfect place to ride out the zombie apocalypse.

I know, I watch far too much TV and horror movies, but I’ve really given this a lot of thought. Whenever a band of survivors in a zombie movie, such as Shaun of the Dead or a George A. Romero film, or a TV series like the Walking Dead, need a place to stay they choose somewhere like the Stanlaw Abbey Business Centre in Ellesmere Port.

Let’s look at the plus points of the business centre as a zombie apocalypse survival shelter, and see if you agree with me. You can also compare how your office would fare in the zombie apocalypse.

Electric Shutters on all doors and windows

First off is the obvious one. All of the windows for every business, and the main double doors, have electric shutters that come down to protect the building from marauding zombies. Obviously in a zombie apocalypse, the electricity supply would soon shut off as the grid shuts down, so you’d have to be quick in closing these once you’ve secured the building as you wouldn’t be able to open them again.

That’s OK though, as they provide great protection and there are other ways in and out of the building.

Vestibule, or foyer, slowing down attacks

The main double doors are the obvious first entry point. However, should a horde of zombies somehow manage to breach the electric shutter and the first door, there is a second internal door that would also need breaching before you and your fellow survivors were turned into zombie food. While this second door would most likely fail, it would provide you with ample time to make your escape via one of the other three fire exits.

Three separate fire exits

As mentioned, there are three separate fire exits in the building. These can only be opened from the inside and allow survivors to flee any zombie horde safely and quickly. They also enable you to move in and out of the building without being seen by the ranks of the undead. With two of the exits on opposite sides of the building, you’ll always have a way out.

Figure of eight configuration

This is one of the parts I like best. The main office layout in the building follows a figure of eight layout, which means it’s easy to lead zombies to follow you around the building without hitting any dead ends, and walk around to the exit of your choice.

Secure car park with two exits

Naturally any external car park would soon be overrun unless it is reinforced, but the presence of a car park area that is already fenced off and protected by two very large, heavy duty gates, is a definite plus. Additionally, both gates work off the same key meaning it’s easy to choose which gate you need to exit or enter quickly.

Flat roof

No zombie sanctuary is complete without a suitable vantage point. The flat roof of the Stanlaw Abbey Business Centre provides an excellent spot to assess the zombies in Ellesmere Port while staying out of biting range. You can also use the roof to lead any nearby zombies away from the fire exits the rest of your team will be using for a forage run to Asda or Sainsbury’s.

Lockable offices with fire doors

Every zombie sanctuary needs somewhere secure to store supplies, weapons and prisoners. Perhaps even bit victims before they turn. The lockable offices in the business centre are perfect for this. They also all have heavy-duty fire doors, meaning they’re almost impossible for a ravenous zombie to break through.

Reinforced glass on all offices

In addition to the fire doors, the windows of each office have wooden frames that leave too small of a gap to crawl through should the glass be broken. This is also unlikely as the windows themselves are reinforced with wire, making them a safe last resort to defend against the undead.

Ceiling portals to let in natural light

Finally, the ceiling portals in the corridors let in natural light for when the power finally goes out. This means there’s no unnecessarily dark corridors to walk down when you’re doing the rounds of your sanctuary.

All in all, I suspect Engage Web’s office in the Ellesmere Port business centre is the ideal safe area in a zombie apocalypse, and it’s where I’ll be heading once the undead really do start walking the earth.

How does your office compare? Would it make a great zombie sanctuary?

Darren Jamieson

Technical Director at Engage Web
Darren is Technical Director at Engage Web, as well as being a co-founder of the company. He takes a hands-on approach to SEO and web design, helped by more than 15 years’ experience in these fields.

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