Tedious England match leads to social media mockery

John Murray

If you watched England seal their place at the 2018 World Cup yesterday with a stunningly unconvincing 1-0 win against Slovenia last night, you’re probably still cursing the loss of two hours of your life you’ll never get back.

If you didn’t, consider yourself lucky! It probably sums up the state of the game that the Wembley Stadium crowd were keeping themselves more entertained by making and throwing paper aeroplanes than by watching what was taking place on the pitch.

The crowd are reserving the loudest cheers for when one of them lands a paper plane on the pitch. That is where we are at. #ENGvSLO

— Mark Chapman (@markchapman) October 5, 2017

The Eastern European also-rans could easily have been ahead (they should have had a penalty in the first half and were later denied by a great double save by England goalkeeper Joe Hart) before Harry Kane scrambled in a late, fortuitous goal to give the Three Lions a win they hardly deserved. After the game, the ITV pundits – even the usually positive and passionate Ian Wright – looked like a group of men who had just been forced to watch every Adam Sandler film back to back.

As a football fan, the concept of ‘second screening’ has notably changed the experience of following the sport in recent years. While at one time you might have been at a match and noticed a man nearby with a radio, reeling off the scores from other games, a match day today can be much more immersive experience. A fan, whether at a game or watching from home, can have multiple tabs open to keep an eye on scores from other games and opinions of other viewers.

Not surprisingly during yesterday’s snoozer, I found myself distracted by social media and the creative ways in which people were expressing their boredom. England’s qualifying campaign, while ultimately successful, has hardly been thrilling, and I suspected parody Twitter account Boring James Milner – mimicking the no-frills Liverpool and former England midfielder – would bring its usual sarcasm to the table. It didn’t disappoint:

Absolutely buzzing for the England game tonight.

— Boring James Milner (@BoringMilner) October 5, 2017

There's nothing better than tucking into a pile of ironing while watching England on a Thursday night.

— Boring James Milner (@BoringMilner) October 5, 2017

Most viewers didn’t share BJM’s excitement levels, as these three Twitter users demonstrate:

Ways to waste an England shirt:
1) Use it to floss your undercarriage
2) Use it to mop up spilled gravy
3) Give it Raheem Sterling#ENGvSLO

— BM (@BM_0021) October 5, 2017

https://twitter.com/Jason3Bourne/status/916026154422849536

I expect nothing from England and they still manage to disappoint 😴😑 #ENGvSLO

— Cameron Adams (@CAdams_93) October 5, 2017

But you can always rely on Paddy Power taking the ridicule to a new level. Well before the match had got underway, the irreverent bookmaker had decided to run the Paint Drying Championships at the same time as the England match.

If you fancy some alternative 'entertainment', the Paint Drying Championships gets underway at 7.45pm over on our Facebook page. #PDC17 pic.twitter.com/tu3aYqXgup

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) October 5, 2017

What seemed at first to be a cheeky joke actually turned into a real betting event, with Paddy Power offering odds about which colour of paint would dry first, and sharing regular video updates on how the PDCs were progressing.

You can watch the action here: https://t.co/va5vN8yRp0

Latest betting here: https://t.co/XYQlvoLdgD #PDC17 pic.twitter.com/zI1QqAiKcc

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) October 5, 2017

No goals in the football. Here are the highlights from the Paint Drying Championships so far. Incredible scenes. #PDC17 pic.twitter.com/O58rIfx4ym

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) October 5, 2017

Despite a late rally from the blue paint, it was the green that dried first.

GREEN WINS THE PAINT DRYING CHAMPIONSHIPS 2017! #PDC17

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) October 5, 2017

The bookmaker honoured the bet by paying out on green, but refunded all losing bets, showing that this was more of a piece of social media PR than a hard sell of Paddy Power services.

The World Cup itself kicks off in Russia in just eight months’ time, and will no doubt see a social media surge of its own. The 2014 World Cup final broke records for social media interactions, and the return of hashflags on Twitter is always worth getting excited about!

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John Murray

Content Editor at Engage Web

John studied English with Creative Writing at university and went on to write for newspapers in both West Yorkshire and Chester. A published poet, short story writer and music blogger with a flair for quick pun-delivery, John is a genuine word nerd and a member of a Scrabble club, so it was only natural that he went on to work in a wordy position.

Tedious England match leads to social media mockery